We can’t tell you how many times we’ve experienced conflict in the family over music at the wedding reception.
It’s a problem that’s more common than you’d think. Weddings are an emotional affair. Everyone’s invested in the success of the whole day, but the reception is where family squabbles can really get rolling.
We recently met a soon-to-be-married couple who wanted a DJ for their wedding. We’d already started talking to them about their needs for the reception, when they contacted us, saying “We want a DJ, but our parents want a band. What should we do?”.
It’s a thorny issue when families aren’t on the same page about the wedding (especially the music), but we have some suggestions for you to defuse the situation, hopefully avoiding any hard feelings in the matter.
Whose wedding is it anyway?
Let’s start with this – it’s your wedding. You’re only planning to do this once, so you want it to be just right. If your parents want a band, that’s great. But are they paying for it?
Traditionally, the parents of the groom pay for the wedding, but that tradition is fading fast, as times change. Nowadays, many families cover the costs of a wedding by assigning monetary coverage of flowers to one, the venue to another, food to another, and so on.
It’s your wedding. Sit down with your parents and make it clear that they’ve already had their celebration of eternal love. This one’s yours. If they continue to insist on a band, but you want a DJ, then perhaps the best thing you can possibly do is to take the matter off their plates entirely and pay for the DJ.
It’s your day. You’re the ones getting married. You should have what you want. Hard feelings may arise, but they won’t endure. You’re family and people get over petty squabbles, in the end.
That’s the nuclear option. Now let’s look at a compromise.
Finding a balance.
Some folks are conflict-averse, so compromise is the way forward for them. A lot of people don’t care to rock the boat (especially with their parents), so finding a compromise may be the ideal solution for them.
Tell your parents that the band will play on, but after the DJ. The DJ can spin for the first part of the reception, ushering the newly married couple into the hall and playing your chosen tune for the first dance.
When it’s time to dance, your parents’ can have their band (which we trust they’ll be paying for).
This solution makes everyone at least somewhat happy and provides an escape valve for people who don’t want to add any more stress to their wedding planning than they’ve already got. While it may not be ideal, it will keep the peace and peace is a blessed thing.